Conversation with my Dad

When my parents got divorced, my mom moved my three brothers and me to Pennsylvania so she could be closer to her family and have a stable support system surrounding her. The common message in many conversations with my family on my moms side was about how "my dad broke up our family" and "my poor mother". Almost every time I tell my family story to someone new they automatically sympathize with my mother and villainize my dad as if it was his fault. And when I was a kid I almost believed them. There is absolutely nothing wrong with sympathizing with my mother. Divorce is a difficult process for all parties and she deserves sympathy. But so does my dad. I asked my dad to tell me what it was like for him after the divorce. The following is a summation of his side:

"After the divorce, friends tend to pick sides. That's typical. So even though I knew that would be somewhat inevitable, but our friends that turned against me really turned against me. I lost so many friends that I considered life long friends and I still don't know how much of it was because your mom and I got divorced and how much of it was because I'm gay. It took two years to get the divorce finalized and throughout all court proceedings, I felt like they always tried to side with the mother, not the gay dad. And your mom moved you guys three hours away from me. I would only get to see my kids four days out of the month and they were being told how I was a terrible person for breaking up our family. I was just trying to accept myself and be true to who I am. I worked as a teacher Monday through Fridays then had a part-time job every other weekend when I didn't have your kids so I could afford to make the spousal and child support payments. I was financially destroyed by the divorce but also emotionally vulnerable and trying to process my divorce and being an openly gay man. On top of that, my kids were now three hours away from me.I wasn't expecting to be considered a good guy but I also didn't deserve to be made out to be the bad guy in the story. "

My mom was going through a divorce but my dad was going through a divorce too and trying to come to terms with who he was at the same time. People forget his side or refuse to see it. I'm not saying either of them was right or wrong- it was just a series of difficult and necessary events. My dad only got to see us for four days a month. But he never missed those four days. There were weekends when he would drive 6 hours Friday after a day of teaching to pick us up and bring us back to Akron to spend time with him Saturday and Sunday morning before driving another six hours to drop us off and go then go back to Akron. My dad is an incredible parent and had to jump through hoops to be an active father in our life. And still when I share the story people never say "your poor dad" before saying "your poor mom".